The Strauss Situation
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: In light of Evergreen and Bickslow's relationships, Freed decides that it's time that he too acquires a Strauss sibling. Only...apparently, that's easier said than done. - One-shot.


The Strauss Situation

Evergreen wouldn't admit it. Too embarrassed to. Not that that was shocking. Freed figured he wouldn't be too proud of Elfman either, if he were a woman. Bickslow however had no problem with flaunting his relationship with the youngest Strauss sibling. It was fun for him, being five years older than Lisanna. She was so easy for him to…manipulate, as he put it. And she really liked his 'babies'.

Freed could feel the divide then, even as the Thunder Legion sat together in the guildhall. That was mainly because Evergreen was looking very pointedly over at Elfman, who was seated at the bar, pretending not to notice. Lisanna, however, was actually at their table with them, laying with her head down at Bickslow gently stroked her hair.

It was very obvious to him that he was the only one without a Strauss sibling. And he planned on obtaining one, if only to reestablish himself as the leader of the Thunder God Tribe. And honestly, considering who was left, he did not feel like he got the short end of the stick. Fine, Bickslow was getting the younger end, but Freed would take Mirajane just fine.

All he had to do was get over his nervousness!

"Mmmm," Lisanna moaned then as she peeked an eye open. "Bicks, I'm so hungry. And I don't want bar food."

"Then I guess you better get your butt up and go get something else to eat, huh?"

"But I'm broke," she moaned.

"How unfortunate."

"Unfortunate," his dolls echoed as they circled overhead.

"Yeah, if I didn't have a loaded boyfriend around to buy me something."

"Lisanna-"

"Bickslow," she whined then, lazily reaching over with one of her hands to push his sallet's visor up over his eyes so they could look at one another fully. "My tummy's growling."

His hands kept stroking her white locks for a moment before he leaned down to whisper something in her ear that Freed missed. The dolls filled them all in on what was said though.

"Love you," they chanted loudly. "Lisanna."

That made her giggle as Bickslow sat up and grumbled angrily for once at his babies before getting to his feet.

"Come on then," he said gruffly as he stood. Then, to Freed and Evergreen, he said, "I'll see you guys around, I guess."

With a giggle, Lisanna jumped up to follow him. "Can we eat a real dinner, Bickslow? Not just something fried? Somewhere nice?"

"Somewhere nice?" his dolls asked with just as much hope in their voices as Lisanna.

"No."

"Please?" she whined. "I really want steak."

"Steak?" He glanced over his shoulder at her. "How much money you think I got, kid?"

"Enough."

"Not for steaks."

"Well, I could just get steak and you could, you know, eat a salad. Men your age should really watch what they eat."

"You need to watch what you say, kid, before I decide not to feed you at all."

"Ugh," Evergreen sighed after they two of them were gone. "That is one relationship I don't understand."

"Two for me," Freed said, waiting until she glanced at him to find him looking over at Elfman. Evergreen immediately took to fanning herself with her folding fan.

"I have no idea what you are-"

"Ever," Freed said softly then, leaning closer to her. "Tell me. What do you know about Mirajane Strauss?"

"M-Mirajane?" Ever looked off. "Not much. I do not-"

"I know that you spend much time in that house, Evergreen, that Mirajane shares with her siblings."

"I do not know what you are implying, but-"

"You both have a Strauss sibling. I suppose I am feeling…left out," the green haired man said slowly, looking down at the table in defeat. "And Mirajane is a very nice woman. I think that we can be paired with one another very nicely."

Evergreen blinked. Then she looked over at Freed with a slight smirk. "Let me get this right then. You…have a little crush on Mirajane?"

"N-Not at all. I just find it rather suspect that both you and Bickslow have ended up with-"

"Let us both get one thing straight, Freed," she said then, glancing over at Elfman before back at him. "I have not ended up with anyone. And as far as Mirajane goes, I know of no one she is with. She usually just seems focused on her work. Perhaps you should talk to Bickslow. He is dating her sister, after all."

"And you are dating her brother."

"Freed-"

"Thank you for your help, Ever. I shall talk to Bickslow, I suppose, later." Freed nodded his head. "Things are just so standstill when Laxus decides not to take us out on a job with him."

"Yes, that is true," Evergreen agreed. "And this job is taking him so long. I wonder what it is he is doing all this time. The job he took shouldn't be taking as long as it has."

"It is tedious, perhaps. But I do not worry. There is no one as great as Laxus," Freed reminded her. Ever only sighed before going back to staring at Elfman. He was right, after all.

…About the Laxus stuff. Not about her seeing Elfman. Because she wasn't. No matter what anyone said, Evergreen was not interested in Elfman Strauss!

Well, maybe just a little.

But it was nothing exclusive. At all. In fact, it wasn't inclusive either. Because it didn't exist. At all. They just hooked up. Once. A month. Sometimes a week. It really depended on their schedule.

Nothing serious though. Of course not. Because that would just be silly. He could do as he pleased and she could do as she pleased. Those were the rules.

Gah! Not that there were rules. Because there couldn't be rules, after all, for something that didn't exist. They both could do as they pleased. And they did.

And so what? She hadn't been with anyone but him for six months. That wasn't so odd. And she knew for a fact she was the only one he'd taken to bed for a long time. But that was just because he was such a big dope! It meant nothing. At all.

"I think I shall be heading off then, Evergreen," Freed was saying then as he stood. "I will go drop in on Bickslow and Lisanna, I suppose. Perhaps they can help me out."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Evergreen said then hardly listening as Cana came to sit next to Elfman at the bar. Who did she think she was anyhow? Sitting next to _her Elfman_? …Err, not hers, of course, but-

"Good day, Ever," Freed was saying then as he walked away. She only waved him off though before getting up as well to take a seat at the bar. Because if Cana was trying anything with Elfman…well…It just wouldn't be pretty!

* * *

"You coming home with us tonight, Lisanna?"

"Come home with us, Lisanna," the dolls above Bickslow's head pleaded. She only giggled though before going back to cutting her steak. Of course she'd gotten what she wanted. She always did.

He was just a real butt about it first.

"I dunno," she giggled, grinning at him. He was seated across from her, leaning back in his chair as they sat in the middle of a pretty empty restaurant. Not a lot of people were getting such a fancy meal at, oh, three in the afternoon.

"What don't you know about?" he asked, sticking his tongue out slightly to show off his guild marking. "Huh?"

"Bickslow-"

"Ain't been over to my place for three weeks, kid. What's changed, huh?"

"Nothing. I just-"

"Ah. I thought I would find the two of you here."

Bickslow's chair came slamming back down on all fours at the appearance of Freed while Lisanna only lifted her head in shock at the sound of the voice.

"What are you doing here?" Bickslow grumbled as his friend took a seat at the table without asking.

"Doing here?" the dolls echoed.

"I am merely here to speak with both of you," he said. "And it shall not take long."

"To both of us, huh?" Lisanna sighed, glancing at her boyfriend. Bickslow was glaring at Freed though, behind his visor. Pushing it up slightly, he gave his friend a hard stare.

"'bout what?" he grumbled slightly. "Huh?"

"Your sister, Lisanna," he said then. "Mirajane."

"Sis?" Lisanna sat up then. "What about her?"

"I wish to know of her…personal life."

Groaning, Bickslow said, "You do realize we're on a date, right?"

"Yes," Freed said, nodding his head then. "But it is of the utmost importance-"

"Another time, Freed," Bickslow told him then as he moved to lean back in his chair once more. "Lisanna here was just telling me about how much she loves my apartment-"

"I do not," she told him then, sounding rather serious considering most of their conversations revolved around her acting as naïve as possible. "It's nasty. And the bathroom is just horrible. Have you ever even bought a toilet brush?"

"Huh?" He frowned over at her. "What's a toilet brush?"

"You could try cleaning for me, Bickslow."

Growling then, he said, "You just eat your steak, girly, and be quiet."

"Be quiet," his dolls said affirmatively. Lisanna only stuck her tongue out at him though.

"And he never makes his bed, Freed," she said then as Bickslow only rolled his eyes. "I don't even know the last time he's changed his sheets-"

"What is up with you, huh? Unleashing or something?" Bickslow gave Lisanna a hard look. "Be quiet not, kid. The men are talking."

"Hey-"

"Why are you interested in Mirajane's personal life anyhow?" Bickslow asked, staring Freed down then. "Huh?"

"She is…a very nice woman. And I plan on acquainting myself with her further."

Lisanna frowned before looking at Bickslow. "Do I really have to hear all this?"

"Shouldn't you talk to Mira about this?" Bickslow asked Freed then. "Or there something specific you want to know?"

"I do not wish to…step on any toes, as it is. And I thought that if anyone would know if she were seeing a man, the two of you would know."

"No," Lisanna said slowly then, as if thinking. "Mira doesn't really date much and recently she's been pretty busy up at the guild. So-"

"Is this what you really want?" Bickslow asked, still suspicious. "Huh, Freed?"

"Huh, Freed?" his babies mimicked.

"Yes," he said, cocking his head to the side. "Why would you suggest otherwise?"

"I only thought…you know."

"I know what?"

Bickslow glanced at Lisanna, but she didn't seem to be picking up on his vibes. Shrugging his shoulders then, Bickslow said slowly, "That you were…into dudes or whatever."

"Wh-What?"

"We've been cool for awhile now," Bickslow said as Lisanna looked over at him and made a face, clearly wanting him to shut up. "And I always thought that you were, you know, just into guys."

"Wh-Why would you-"

"Well, all that stuff with Laxus, for one thing. I really thought that you were-"

"If he says that he's not, he's not," Lisanna told Bickslow with a frown.

"Hey, I'm trying to look out for your sister, here, alright?" Bickslow only shrugged again. "It's whatever to me, Freed, but-"

"I think that is all I require of the two of you currently," he said, standing then. "Thank you. And Bickslow, for the record, I am with Lisanna. An unclean bathroom is not something to be proud of."

"That's what I've been trying to tell him," Lisanna said as Bickslow only rolled his eyes. The second Freed was gone, he went back to hounding Lisanna.

"So what if I clean up a little for you, huh? The babies in I?" Bickslow grinned at her. "I can even buy one of those toilet thingies you were talking about."

"Toilet thingies," the babies echoed.

"Bickslow-"

"You know you want to." He laughed then. "I mean, as soon as Laxus gets back, he'll probably rest up before we go off on another job. Then you'll miss your chance on me. You don't want that, do you, kid?"

"Don't want that," the babies told her. "Kid."

She only giggled. "Well, you did buy me all this food."

"I did."

"Which means I have to go home with you, right?"

"It does."

"That's not very seductive."

"You know, kid, I think it's time you realize somethin'."

"What?"

"Life isn't seductive," he told her. "And there's things in it that you gotta do that you don't wanna. Is this one of those things? No. But I'd like it to be."

"Fine," Lisanna groaned. "I'll go home with you."

"Ha."

But then, was there ever any doubt?

* * *

"Hello, Mirajane."

"Hi, Freed!" Mira grinned brightly at the man before her as she stood behind the bar, pouring a mug of something for someone. He wasn't concerned with any of that. Only with her. "Give me a sec, huh? I just finished dealing with Ever and Elfman getting into a huge fight over Cana or something, so I'm sorta frazzled right now. Just one moment, let me get back all these orders out and then I'll get you your usual."

"A-Actually," he began, having to clear his throat then as the resident demon only stared at him, blue eyes wide. "I have something I wish to speak with you about."

"Okay," she said, grin faltering some then. "Shoot."

"Well," he began slowly. "The two of us have known each other for quite some time. And I'd like to think of us as friends."

"Oh, we are." Mira was animated again. "Is that what you needed? Confirmation? Because I consider us friendly as well. Was there some sort of favor you needed or something? You don't have to butter me up. I'll help you out with anything. Are you moving? Or need some help-"

"Nothing like that," he quickly said. "Actually…it's quite more personal."

"Oh no." Mirajane, he'd give it up to her, she truly looked distressed then. "Are you sick? Are you dying?"

He blinked. "No."

"Oh." Then she giggled. "Good."

"I'm more in need of…well…a Strauss."

It was her turn to blink. "What now?"

"A Strauss." He nodded at her. "Like both Ever and Bickslow have. It is almost as if we are joining two teams, yes? Your siblings and the Thunder Legion. Which means that you and I must-"

"Are you asking me…out? On a date?"

Freed nodded. "I feel it is what must come next."

"I…Freed…"

"I know that I may not seem like the conventional date, but trust me; I will take you to the finest restaurant and-"

"Freed, I…I'm flattered, but…well…" She sat the bottle of alcohol in her hand down before leaning over the bar. "I'm seeing someone."

He blinked. Then he blushed and looked off. "You must not lie to me. It is not necessary. If you are not attracted to me, then-"

"No, I am. Err, well, I would be, I guess, but… I've been involved with someone for awhile now and-"

"That is impossible! Both Lisanna and Ever know nothing about-"

"Because I don't want them to. The person I'm seeing is very… It just wouldn't be feasible… Freed…"

"What?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Well, sure, but I do not know why-"

"Come here." She grabbed his hand then before rushing around the bar, dragging him along.

Freed followed, unsure of what Mira's main goal was. Was she…lying about the boyfriend? And they were going to do something in one of the backrooms?

Wow. She worked fast. At that rate, he'd be able to brag to the others that he had a Strauss as well before sundown!

…Then Mira's true motives became clear.

"I'm seeing Laxus."

She was so serious too as they stared at one another in the hallway that it made him angry. Very angry.

"If you are not interested in me, that is fine," he grumbled, turning his head. "But to tease me is not-"

"I'm not! Seriously."

"That is… No. I reject this. Laxus is-"

"Laxus is my fiancé."

"No."

"Yes."

"He wouldn't do this! And how is it that no one knows, hmmm? I-"

"Because we didn't want anyone too, when we first started seeing one another. It was nothing serious. But then… And it got more complicated and then we were exclusive and now… It's just a big mess now." Mira sighed. "I can't even tell Elfman and Lisanna because I know that they'd only tell Bickslow and Ever and they'd tell everyone and… But you love Laxus. Probably about as much as me."

"More."

"No," Mira told him. "You don't."

Freed huffed. "We will agree to disagree, yes?"

"Whatever. The point is that you can't tell anyone. At all. And if I didn't know how loyal to Laxus you were-"

"I do not understand your shame. You are not worthy of him to begin with! And here you are hiding the fact that you are with him? You-"

"Laxus and I are together. And we're going to be married soon. Only then are we going to say something. And we're going to try to make it as nonchalant as possible. Your opinion holds very little value in any thing. And trust me, Freed, you're not my type anyways. Or Laxus'."

Apparently, Freed had set off the she-demon. And with a huff, she turned to walk away.

Hmmm.

This was an odd development in the Strauss saga. He had one of two options; believe Mirajane and be happy for her and Laxus or don't believe her and find out for himself what was really going on.

The choice was simple.

* * *

"I can't believe that you are truly back. And just in time!"

Laxus snorted as he let Freed into his apartment. "Make this quick. I was about to take a shower."

"Oh, feel free to. I will wait. I-"

"Freed," he groaned. "Just get to the point."

"Right. Of course." He bowed his head as he went to stand in front of the couch. Laxus only went to sit on it. "It has to do with…the Strauss siblings."

Laxus grunted. "If Ever and Bickslow are skipping practices again to be with them, then it's your job to reign them in; not mine. I have nothing to do with-"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "It is not that. Err, well, it is, but I am dealing with that myself. That is an internal problem of the Thunder Legion and-"

"Then why, Freed," Laxus repeated, "are you here?"

Taking a breath then, Freed decided he'd better just get it out. "In light of Bickslow and Ever's romances, I decided I deserved someone too."

"Freed, we've gone over this, I'm into women."

"As am I."

Laxus blinked. "Are you?"

"Yes. Why are you-"

"W-Well, I mean…"

"You were the except, was all. If you had been willing-"

"If you're asking me to help you find a woman, fine," Laxus said, speaking quickly. He really didn't want to have that conversation with Freed. At all. "Now-"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I did not want _a_ woman. I wanted a specific woman."

"And? What does that have to do with-"

"I wanted a Strauss of my own."

That time, Laxus was silent for a second before he said, "But the only other one left is-"

"Yes. And I have been told before that she is rather attractive and she appears nice and wholesome and-"

"Wait, you've been told she's attractive? Don't you have eyes?"

"W-Well-"

"And besides, Freed," Laxus sighed as he shook his head. "I do not think that Mirajane would be interested in-"

"She is not," he reported with a nod. "I went to her, requesting that we formed a union-"

"Did you ask her like that? Because, man, you really shouldn't ask women out that way. Or…men, if you decided that was something you were interested in."

"I asked her in the most casual way possible," Freed told him, bowing his head then. "And she told me that she could not. That she is seeing someone."

"Ah. Well, that settles that, yeah?" Laxus got to his feet, going to pat Freed on the back. "Now-"

There was a sharp knock at the door then. But before either man could get over there to answer it, the door just swung open.

"Laxus," Mira said as she walked in, as if in a panic. "Don't be mad at me, but I was talking to one of your bodyguards and- And he's here. And you know. And now-"

He frowned. "I know that he asked you out, yeah, but-"

"Mira told me that you two are seeing one another," Freed spoke up. "And I didn't believe it. I have come to you to tell me-"

"Oh, silly demon. You really think I'd be mad at you?" Ignoring Freed, Laxus went over to Mira then as she only shut the door behind her. When she faced him though, he cupped her cheeks before kissing her head. Mira giggled.

Freed didn't know what to feel. Jealous? Annoyed? Disgusted?

He settled with confusion.

"I looked at more properties," Laxus went on. "Real nice house, close by, no more than a fifteen minute walk from the city."

"Really?"

"Mmmhmm. I-"

"Is that where you were?" Freed couldn't allow himself to be ignored any longer. When Laxus and Mira glanced over at him, it was clear in their joy over being with one another once more that they'd forgotten his presence.

Huh. Maybe Mirajane wasn't lying. Maybe…maybe they were an item.

"Looking at houses? Is that why jobs have been taking you so long now?"

Laxus sighed, loudly, before taking a step away from Mirajane. "Look, Freed, me and Mira really don't want anyone to know about this. At all. If it wasn't for her siblings, we'd probably get away with being married and being able to keep it a secret. But until we do get married, we don't want anyone knowing about it."

"But why?"

"Things are messy at the guild," Mirajane told him. "And everyone will be involved in our relationship and business. It's not like Laxus is someone that anyone in their right mind would pair me with."

The man in question tapped her on the head gently. "The demon here, she'd deserve it all too, considering all the lives she screws up with her gossip."

Mira nodded. "It's true."

"So just don't tell anyone, huh?" Laxus looked Freed in the eyes then. "And I won't kill you."

"K-Kill me?"

"Yeah," he grumbled. "For trying to get my demon to step out on me."

"That wasn't what I was doing! At all. I was only-"

"He's kidding," Mira said, moving to lean against Laxus. When the man grinned down at her, Freed about died.

What sort of couple were they?

And how had he let this slip passed him?

He was supposed to know everything about Laxus! Everything! Had he…failed the man?

"Keep this from Ever and Bickslow too, huh?" Laxus was moving away from Mira then and over to him. He patted the guy on the shoulder. "And I'll help you find someone. Man or woman. Swear. But there ain't enough Strausses to go around, see? And…well…I like you, Freed, but me and the demon are forever, huh? So fuck off."

"Laxus," Mira complained.

Freed only nodded though, turning to head out of the apartment. "Right."

"And when we do get married, you'll be one of the first to know," Laxus said. "After Mira's siblings."

"And I'm sorry, Freed, about before," Mirajane said as he passed her, headed to the door. "I- Freed."

He only wrapped his arms around her tightly, hugging the life out of the woman. "You are marrying Laxus! That is the best thing that any person on the planet could hope for! And if Strausses are so great, I will gladly give mine up for the sake of my idol! Do Laxus no wrong and I will care for you the same way I do him. Thank you, Mirajane, for making Laxus so happy!"

She only stared over the man's shoulder at her fiancé, who shook his head.

Slowly, Mira moved to pat him on the back as well. "Thank you, Freed. And I have a lot of modeling friends that would be perfect for you. If you want."

When he let her go, he said, "No. I was foolish to think for even a second that my life was big enough to juggle a romance and my relationship with Laxus."

"Careful on that relationship word there," the other man grumbled as Mira only giggled.

"I am now re-devoting my time to you and Laxus' relationship, Mirajane," Freed told her. "I am going to make both of your lives perfect."

"That's really not nec-"

"I am off," Freed said then going out the door. "Good day, Laxus. And…and Mirajane."

With that, he was gone. Then it was just Mira standing there, staring at Laxus as he only shook his head.

"If I had known when I first got with you that Strausses were in such high demand," he began as he went to go stand before her once more, "I wouldn't have resisted so much."

Leaning against him when he was close enough, Mira said, "He's really sweet."

"Yeah."

"And creepy."

"Yeah."

"But mostly sweet."

"Mmmhmm."

And as he walked away from the apartment, Freed really did decide that was his new mission. If Laxus thought that Mirajane was worthy of his love, then she must have been at least somewhat of the same caliber woman as he was man.

That meant that Freed should be worshiping her too.

So the Strauss situation had taken a rather different turn that what he expected. No matter. He was sure that Mira would be a fine woman for Laxus. Hopefully.

Or Freed would have to personally kill her!

Or something to that affect.

* * *

**This was an old, unfinished one-shot that I figured I'd go ahead and complete. Freed isn't one of my favorite characters, but he's definitely underutilized in a lot of my stories, so he deserved another one. **


End file.
